you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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