i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
FUCK WHALES
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
