I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
