I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
