You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
