I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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