Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
