It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
