Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
