Need sex. Gaining weight.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
