good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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