i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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