mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
