I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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