I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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