I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
