This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
