Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
