It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
