That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
