rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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