He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
