Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
