Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
