there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
