I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
