hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
