Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
