you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I pour the whiskey from now on
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
