the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
