Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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