You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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