Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
