Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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