You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
