Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
