the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
