its not stalking. its research.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
