I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
