Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
