from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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