What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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