your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
