im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
