I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
