Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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