The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i drank out of a bidet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
