Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
