Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
