I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
